Riddle me this...

Why is the background music for the new Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials "Alabama" by Lynard Skynard? Shouldn't they play something like "Kentucky Woman" by Neil Diamond or "Kentucky Rain" by Elvis?

Dandelions aren't dandy

They are quite sucking actually. In between taking J. to martial arts and soccer today, I did some mulching and also attacked the damn dandelions that have sprouted in the front lawn. The bloody things are growing like, uh, weeds. (ahem)

Anyway, it's been bugging me the past few days how the front lawn is in need of some major resuscitation. I put down some limestone several weeks back, and then put down lawn seed, but none of the seeds have germinated. Instead, those lovely yellow flowers were blooming. It's been very dry up here in the Northeast which isn't helping much either. The one good thing about all this is that I haven't had to mow the lawn yet this year. Crap, that reminds me, I need to tune up the lawn mower.

Losing it

I was going to write something about a few stories I heard on the morning news, but I can't remember what I wanted to write about. I hate when that happens.

37. Call "shotgun" before getting in a car.

From the pages of Esquire magazine, the 59 Things a Man Should Never Do Past 30.

Some of the notable ones:

• Name pets after Middle Earth characters. (Poor Frodo)
• Say "two points" every time he throws something in the trash. (The proper way is "Larry, for two!")
  
• Put less than ten dollars' worth of gas in the tank. (That may not be a choice these days.)
  
• Publicly greet friends by shouting, "What's up, you whore?" (I guess "What up, bi-atch?" is more appropriate.)
• Hacky sack. (I haven't seen a hacky sack in ages. Do they still make them?)
  

What are you doing May 1st?

I know what I'm doing... not going to any immigration rallies. I heard some crap on the radio on the way home today saying that people are going to protest HR-4437, a bill passed by the U.S. House of Representatives that proposes erecting a fence along much of the U.S.-Mexico border and declaring illegal immigrants felons, by staying home from work, or skipping school. I don't know what good a fence will do, but what's wrong with declaring that illegal immigrants are breaking the law? They are illegal. Therefore, by definition are breaking the law. I don't understand why more people are for this.

I'm not saying they are bad people, but it's an insult to all those hard-working immigrants who came to this country legally by filing the proper papers, work visas, go through the normal red tape, etc. to eventually become permanent residents and/or U.S. citizens. My parents immigrated to this country with my grandparents and they went through the proper channels to get here and to become citizens. They didn't get to "the head of line" bypassing others who were waiting in front of them to get here. These new immigration laws are giving illegal immigrants the right to do just that, go to the head of the line.

One of the radio talk hosts gave the perfect analogy. It's like saying he goes to your house unannounced and uninvited, walks in and goes into your refrigerator and makes himself dinner, instead of calling ahead and asking you "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while, may I come over for dinner?" and you saying "Sure, come on by". I don't know maybe I'm missing something, but it just doesn't sound right.

Movie review and a complaint

I took my son to the movies this afternoon before he goes back to school tomorrow from his April vacation. We went to see Ice Age: The Meltdown. I wasn't sure how he was going to like it, but he enjoyed it and sat through the whole movie. He was getting tired and sleepy already at the start of the movie, so I thought that maybe he was going to fall asleep but he didn't. I think the squirrel scenes kept him interested. He laughed several times at the slapstick comedy which put a smile on my face. I'm hoping he'll enjoy The Three Stooges when he gets older.

We went to the grocery store to pick up a few things before going home. I absentmindedly went through the self-checkout line thinking it was going to be quicker. Boy was I wrong. I am never going through those things again. It took like 15 to 20 minutes to scan properly $50 worth of groceries. Throughout the scanning process, Sally Suckbag computer voice kept complaining "there's an additional item in the bagging area" or "an item has left the bagging area, please put back the item". Lady (and I'm talking about the computer), how am I supposed to bag my other items if I don't take the bagged items out first. Bi-atch.

Plus, it looked like two of the sale items didn't take. I found out through the help of one of the actual real associates that the discount for one of the items were at the end, but the other I noticed didn't register. She asked me what the price was and I mentioned that it was in the section where it says 2 for $7.00. (it was toilet paper) She looked at the flyer and pointing to it said "no, this one and this one are on sale. Do you want me to see if we have any?"
"Sure" I said. We waited what seemed like five minutes before she came back with several packages of butt wipers. She scanned them in to make sure the sales price registered and asked me if I wanted any of them. I picked one and she voided the others out. After I paid and got my sales receipt, I made sure everything was kosher before heading out. Bloody self serve check out line. As we were leaving, there were two or three registers open. Oh, I almost forgot, during the whole "item not found in bagging area" crap and me first noticing the possible pricing mistake, I was just fed up at that point and just wanted to cancel the order and go through a regular checkout line. It only allowed me to cancel one item at a time and after I cancelled the first, Ms. Computer wouldn't let me continue before someone how to authorize the void. It was at that point, when the associate asked me about the sales items, etc. What a freakin' hassle.

Ben and Jerry, Black and Tan, Captain and Tennille

Our politically correct world is getting too politically correct. Ben and Jerry's have apologized to Ireland (not Kathy) for the name of one of their new ice creams, Black and Tan, named after the drink of the same name. Apparently, there was a violent British militia of the same name that operated during Ireland's war of independence. How are they supposed to know this? A Black and Tan is normally thought of as a beverage, at least here in the States. Should Ben and Jerry's apologize to the Black and Tan Coonhound population as well for fear of offending the canine consumers? I'm sure any of my Irish friends would just say "fook it, pour me another pint... and stop callin' me Paddy!".


*more comments on the subject found here.

Gaseous

My cousin and I are on the same wavelength today. I was starting to type a post last night about the outrageous gas prices, but then got sleepy and went to bed. Her post is pretty funny and I'm sure is what many motorists are thinking when they are gassing up these days. Are the gas stations gauging the price to make a bit of a profit for themselves, or are they themselves getting tucked by the big oil companies and in turn the cost gets trickled down to the consumer.

We are probably not going to see any relief soon. Why? Because the top two U.S. government officials are big oil tycoons themselves and are reaping in the profits. This is quite the suck. Time to get the veggie oil cars in mass production or dust off the old 10 speed to get around town to save some mula.

Where's the straight jacket?

I kept hearing on the radio on the drive home today that Hollywood's resident cuckoo, Tom Cruise was "jokingly" going to eat his fiancee's placenta once the baby was born. This guy has really flipped. First, he kills the Oprah (click on picture for footage) and now this. I think it's time to rename the blog again. No need to reference something from the "Show me the scruples!" actor.

As I type this, I notice on the wire that little TomKitten has been born, but not before Brooke Shields' announcement of the birth of her baby. Take that Mr. Couch Jumper and stick that in your L. Ron Hubbard.

Happy Easter!

Lots of yardage

I got to do some yard work today since it was beautiful outside. Cut some branches off some trees that are on the other side of our fence. Finished putting some mulch down in the front. Put some grass seed down in the front as well since everything looks ill. Put some limestone down in the backyard.

Last but not least, I tried to get rid of a few pesky carpenter bees. There were a few male bees hovering about trying to be all macho and buzzing around the area where the female bee bored a hole (actually two holes) underneath the outer board of the back of the house. Bloody pests. I sprayed some insect killer in the holes and then plugged them up with wood putty. I thought I had got the one bee because it was right in the opening but it must have moved. After I put the putty, I could still hear her scraping and scratching. Hopefully the insecticide got in there, or by stuffing the hole it will not breath in there.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So sleepy. Need sleepy sleepy. Talk amongst yourselves.

Here is yet another topic:

• Boston College is neither in Boston, nor is it a college. Discuss.

Midweek weekend wrap-up and other picture postcards

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Been busy with training at the new digs. Last Saturday, my wife and I helped out on a day long retreat for Confirmation candidates at a parish outside of Boston. Met some nice people there and young adults. Sunday we went over a friend's house to meet some people about another retreat we'll be helping with in June. All in all a full weekend.

Has anyone noticed that the gas prices have skyrocketed again and it's nearing $3.00 a gallon? Hello, McFly? What the f is going here? Does anybody care that the oil companies are sticking it to us consumers once again? I'm going to have to take out a loan for every time I fill my tank... and I don't own an SUV!

Our company's Indian office is closed on holiday tomorrow due to the death of one of their famous actors, Rajkumar. His death sparked some riots in India. That's amazing. People here in the U.S. didn't get that emotional when John Ritter died suddenly a few years ago. You know, Jack Tripper. Clifford. Where's the love, people?

Tonight, I went to my alma mater to play bingo to benefit a cancer foundation. They were giving away some nifty prizes like a 24" flat screen TV, and XBox 360, and an iPod among others. We played ten games of various types. I didn't win anything but it was fun playing and it was for a good cause.

huh huh he said butt

The title of this news article speaks for itself.

Keep your scorecards handy.

Movers, switch-er-oos, and one less Idol contestant. Being knee-deep in ramp-up mode at the new job hasn't given me much time to catch up on the news stories. I found out this morning that Man-o-man-a-deesa was voted off the Idol show. People are saying it's a surprise, but I respectfully disagree. While she has a good voice, Tuesday's performance wasn't that great. Although, what do I know, my voice isn't that great either.

Katie Couric is moving from NBC to CBS.
Meredith Vieira is moving from ABC to NBC.
and Starr Jones is left with a picture of Mickey Mouse.

Who's going to replace Meredith Vieira on The View? Mandisa? Manischewitz? Man-whore?
The world may never know.

Back to day one

Today was my first day at my new job. The morning was spent in orientation going over company policies, benefits, etc. The second part was settling in and getting myself situated, meeting new people and starting my ramp-up plan. My nerves were shot today. I was fine until I was just heading out the door this morning.

The people there are very nice and I'm sure it will be just a matter of time to get acclimated to the new digs. Changing jobs after just about nine years is quite an adjustment.

Very amusing...

Yesterday, since it was a nice day, my wife and I took the kids down to the Salem Willows to walk around. It was quite windy yesterday so there was a chill in the air even though it was sunny. We walked by the beach and the kids ended up going knee deep in the water and splashing around. I had to drive back home to get a change of clothes for then and we didn't anticipate them getting wet. lol

Most of the establishments are still closed, but one arcade was open and we went in to play a few games. Then, we ordered some Chinese food there and sat on a picnic table and ate. It was quite nice.

Exxxxcellent!

The Simpons UK promo on SkyOne

Compare with original

A jester, a jester

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time

Fool me once...